Indian Cinema – An Ideal Way to Decay Your 6^th Sense

Good Morning Toastmasters and esteemed judges. If you ask the parents of any teenage boy, I don’t know about girls and hence I don’t want to make any comment, I presume and assume that they study all the time, what their son does during their free time, the most probable answer you will get is “ My son is utterly useless and watches movies all the time “. Hence as I am 19 years old and still a teenager, I am going to give my speech about Indian cinema. But there is a problem, Most of my friends think I am a bit weird, and that I come from the gandhian era, I am not sure why but I assume it is because I am the only 19 year old boy who steps out of my house, early on Sunday morning wearing full formals. As I am a bit weird I am not going to speak for, but against indian cinema.

Recently, a huge research project about indian cinema was conducted by a very famous scientist. Do you know who that scientist is? It is none other than me. From the research I have found out 3 concepts of reality that Indian cinema has made a mockery of in the past few decades. Those 3 things are :

1.Concept of Time.

2.Concepts of Newton.

3.Concept of logic.

                Let us first discuss about the concept of time. I shall now narrate to you a scene from a Ramarajan movie which I recently saw on youtube. There are these goons who come to a market and demand money from the people. Most of the people give whatever they have. An old woman resists as she does not have any money. One of the goons pushes her and she is about to fall on the ground. At this point of time a bike, a hero Honda cd100 to be precise, suddenly flies from nowhere carrying ramarajan. HE then lands and does a donut stunt with the bike. A donut stunt is one where you keep one leg on the ground and drive in circles like a donut. He then suddenly emerges and catches hold of the old lady who was about to fall. So let me share with you a few things that popped up in my mind after seeing this scene. Number one. My dad has owned a hero Honda cd 100 for 15 years and I am quite sure you cannot perform a jump or a donut stunt with that bike. Number two. How can someone possibly do all those stunts and then come and save the old woman. The director fails to understand that there is something called “ the clock is ticking “. Even someone who is 5 years old will agree that the scene is rubbish

                Let us now discuss about the concept of gravity. This concept has been mocked in more than 90% of the fight scenes where the hero hits the villain and the villain flies and lands somewhere a light year away. But there is a particular scene in a particular movie which immediately struck to my mind when I thought about this concept. How many of you have seen the epic long jump done by actor vijay in the movie kuruvi? For those who haven’t let me brief you about the scene. Vijay jumps for a building to the MRTS bridge which is about 200 to 300 meters away. He then runs and boards a running train. The jumping scene makes a mockery of newton’s law of gravity and the train boarding part completely demolishes newton’s laws of motion. On seeing this the first thing I thought was, what would have issac newton thought if he had seen that scene? He would have probably wished that a huge rock had fallen on his head rather than the apple.

                Now let us discuss the most important part, the concept of logic, the concept of using your 6^th sense. For this let me narrate to you the introduction scene of a blockbuster telugu movie. In the scene, the hero’s hands and legs are tied to a rope and the hero is thrown into the sea which is full of sharks. As soon as the hero goes under water, he is attacked by a big and ferocious shark. He fights with the shark with both his hands and  legs tied with a rope and somehow manages to break one of the shark’s teeth. The hero then uses the tooth to cut the ropes which his hands and legs are tied to. He then sits on top of the shark and rides it like a horse. He uses his legs to move the shark’s tail fin which incidentally controls the direction of the shark and goes towards the villain’s boat from which he was thrown. He then ties the shark to the rope with which he was earlier tied . The villain lifts up the rope thinking the hero is dead but gets the shock of his life when he sees the shark tied to the same rope. The hero then emerges from nowhere and delivers an apocalyptically idiotic punch dialogue. After seeing this scene I made a small list of people whom I think will go mad or commit suicide if they see this scene. The list consists of 1.Ric O Barry, who is one of the top 10 animal rights activists and mainly concentrates on dolphins, whales and sharks. 2.Tom Seitas, the world record holder for the longest time spent under water and most importantly 3. All who use their sixth sense while watching this scene.

                Hence the tip of the day is, if you wanted to enjoy a typical indian masala movie, you must develop a seventh sense which is capable of shutting down your sixth sense before you watch the movie. If you can’t shut down your sixth sense, then the theatre will be more or less like hitler’s holocaust centers.